friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
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