the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
