Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
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