my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
