I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
