u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
