My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
So here I am, sexting at work.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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