I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
