i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
