He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
