When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
