God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
