and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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