WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
