i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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