Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
