I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I need moral support for this bender
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
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