dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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