I think my vagina is haunted
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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