i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
