i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
