So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
