Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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