perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
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