Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
