why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
