so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
