but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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