I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
