Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
