my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
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