Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
