my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
