I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
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