The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
