as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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