I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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