just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
