we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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