Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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