I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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