You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
