9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
