God, you're like boner-b-gone
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
