I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
