She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
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