Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
