6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Randomize
