I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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