you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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