The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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