hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
