It's like a parade of train wrecks.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
