New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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